How To Get What You Want - Bishop T.D Jakes

Speak Up.

Have you ever heard the old saying “The squeaky wheel gets the grease?”

This turn of phrase explains the fact that those who speak up get what they want in life and it’s a very useful piece of advice.

In fact, researchers have found that those who often and consistently ask for help are less likely to be turned down for assistance as opposed to those who ask once and stop pursuing help after the first rejection.

Helpers are more responsive to satisfying our needs if we simply request it.

Though, even knowing this, it’s still so hard for many of us to ask for what we want. We suffer from the fear of rejection and might feel guilt over burdening another by asking for their help.

The key to overcoming these hang ups lay in the approach we use in asking for help. We just have to learn how to do it right.

1. Get To The Point

Clear communication can make you or break you.

When asking for what you want, be direct. Skirting around your request or asking it in an ambiguous way will only confuse the person you’re asking and cause frustration.

Don’t be afraid of giving all the details with your request. Sometimes explaining why you need something and how exactly their help will assist you will secure an affirmative answer.

Also, don’t state the request in a way that sounds like you’re expecting a “No.” “Do you want to help me?” is a less impactful request than “I need your assistance with this. Can you help me out, please?” A straight and clear request is more likely to get a yes!

2. Give Thanks

It’s common courtesy to give thanks to those who help us, but it can also make it much easier to ask for what we need.

Giving thanks for help can work as a sort of positive reinforcement. You ask for help. You’re given help. You say thank you and it leaves the door open to the next request.

Not acknowledging the help you have received is like burning a bridge--it will cut you off from that other person because of the perceived unappreciation you have for the other’s time, energy, and help.

Your thankfulness should be apparent and genuine because the people you lean on for support deserve it.

3. “No” Isn’t Forever

Many times we latch onto one bad experience and let it determine several aspects of our lives. Don’t allow rejection to be one of those experiences.

Receiving a “No” when asking for help is not the end of the line. The refusal may have come from limited resources, like time or know-how. Those factors can change so the next time you need help, the person who first rejected you may now be up for the challenge.

Also, “No” shouldn’t limit your support system. Find others who can help you and rely on them when appropriate. One “No” doesn’t speak for everyone who can help so don’t allow it to limit your inquiries.

Don’t allow one rejection to deter your need to ask for help. Look around for that “Yes!”

Asking for help is only as awkward as we make it. Instead of allowing fear and anxiety stand between you and what you want, learn to ask and see just how much you’ll receive.