Thoughts of Our Fathers (TOF)

Not now, not ever.

by D.A. and Elicia Horton

Over the course of our marriage, we’ve identified some helpful strategies for dealing with the conflicts we face. Sometimes we pray and try to determine what caused us to continue to be combative in our speech. From our experiences, we’ve developed what we call the Four Nevers. When either one of us responds to a tense conversation with the urge to fight, escape, or act apathetic, we use the Four Nevers to work towards resolution. Consider using these in your own marriage:

Never Fight Back. Even if one of you desires to fight, the other should communicate that he or she is going to walk away from the conversation. This allows each of you to pray and gather your thoughts, with the intention of coming back to resolve the issue. This is a very challenging practice to develop as a habit; however, it can prevent you from going head-to-head and allows God to speak directly to your hearts.

Never Avoid the Issues. Rabbit trails will take you further away from the issue that is putting you at odds. Both of you should work diligently to take the conversation toward level two. If you have the opportunity to be without interruption, consider diving as deep as level one.

Never Act As Though You Don’t Care. Both of you honestly do care for your spouse’s emotional well-being and the overall health of the relationship. However, when either of you is operating in the flesh, you will be less likely to remain sensitive to your spouse’s wounds. Acting as if you don’t care will only add insult to the injuries already caused.

Never Use Manipulation to Get Your Way. We’re all guilty of manipulating arguments to get what we really want. If you do this, however, you’re preventing your spouse from getting what he or she wanted. Here are a few manipulative practices to avoid: saying “I’m sorry” just to end the argument, denying that there is an issue and acting as though your spouse is crazy and making up a problem, and acting as though you’re not bothered so your spouse will no longer be bothered.

You’ve been reading from Enter the Ring: fighting together for a gospel-saturated marriage by D.A. and Elicia Horton. Check out the book here.

For the word of God is living and active and full of power [making it operative, energizing, and effective]. It is sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating as far as the division of the soul and spirit [the completeness of a person], and of both joints and marrow [the deepest parts of our nature], exposing and judging the very thoughts and intentions of the heart.— Hebrews 4:12

READ: Leviticus 17:10-14

Neither by the blood of goats and calves, but by his own blood he entered in once into the holy place, having obtained eternal redemption for us

Hebrews 9:12

God revealed the importance of blood through the prophet Moses and therefore commanded that blood should not be eaten.

The generation that lived in the time of Moses would not have known about the importance of blood. Perhaps they would have thought that it was the heart, the brain or the kidneys that were important. But through the teaching of Moses, they learnt that the life of a person is in his blood. All the other parts of the body could be eaten but the blood was not supposed to be eaten because it represented a life. Long before medical science discovered it, Moses taught us that the blood of a person contained his life. Today, we know that the blood carries life to all parts of the body. Moses could not have known that by medical science. He knew this because God revealed it to him. Life is in the blood!

One night, I was on duty at the emergency ward when a young man was brought to the hospital, who was vomiting bright red blood uncontrollably. He retched and vomited all night long. I went to the blood bank many times that night, fetching blood for this man. It was a race for life. Sadly, he died because he had brought out more blood than we were able to replace. The race that night was a race to get as much blood to the man quickly enough. Only the blood could prevent the man from dying.

Indeed, the race today is the race to get the blood of Jesus to as many places as possible quickly enough.

We know that all things work together for good to them that love God . . .
—Romans 8:28

We might never have had the songs of Fanny Crosby had she not been afflicted with blindness. George Matheson would never have given the world his immortal song, “O Love That Will Not Let Me Go,” had it not been for his passing through the furnace of affliction. The “Hallelujah Chorus” was written by George Frederick Handel when he was poverty-stricken and suffering from a paralyzed right side and right arm. Affliction may be for our edification and Christian development. Sickness is one of the “all things” which work together for good to them that love God. Don’t resent it. Don’t be embittered by it.

Why did God let me get sick? Read Billy Graham’s answer.

For those whom He foreknew [of whom He was aware and loved beforehand], He also destined from the beginning…to be molded into the image of His Son [and share inwardly His likeness].

Romans 8:29, The Amplified Bible

As a believer, you're destined to be molded into the image of Jesus, to grow in spirit until you look just like Him. God's supernatural power began that process the moment you were born again. You were changed on the inside instantly. How successful you are in allowing this change to progress to the outer man is mostly up to you. We grow up spiritually just like we grow up physically.

What can you do to speed this growing process along?

Spend more time pursuing the things of the Spirit than you spend pursuing the things of the flesh. Become dedicated to the Word of God and to fellowship with Him. Be willing to pull aside from the busy things of life and get alone with Him, so He can guide you, teach you and share His likeness with you.

Have you ever noticed that if you spend time around people who have strong personalities, you will automatically be affected by them? You'll find yourself doing the things they do. Their mannerisms will rub off on you. You can't help it. They just influence you, especially if they are people you respect and admire.

The same thing is true in your relationship with God. If you spend enough time with Him, He's going to rub off on you! His ways will become your ways.

So make yourself available to Him by praying in the spirit and worshiping and loving Him. Hang around His Word and the people who love His Word and live it.

Before you know it, you'll begin to notice yourself changing. You'll find your character becoming more like His. You'll begin to think like He does and talk like He does and even act like He does. His image will begin to shine forth in you!



Scripture Reading:

1 Corinthians 3:5-18

Mark 4:8

“But other seed fell on good ground and yielded a crop that sprang up, increased and produced: some thirtyfold, some sixty, and some a hundred.”

Perhaps you have marveled at God’s instantaneous healing miracles. Perhaps you believed that He would do the same for you. But now, when you see your own healing taking so long to manifest, you are tempted to give up.

My friend, when the manifestation does not come instantaneously, we are not to be discouraged because Jesus let us in on a secret when He shared the parable of the sower. (Mark 4:3–20)

The parable of the sower teaches us that once we receive God’s Word into our hearts regarding our situation, God’s blessings will manifest in progression. When we receive our thirtyfold manifestation, it means that 70 per cent of that condition is still there. But some of us give up at thirtyfold because we still feel more pain than relief.

We need to realize that we are thirtyfold better than before, and our sixtyfold is coming! Once we receive our sixtyfold manifestation, there is still 40 per cent that is not well. But we are more healed than sick now, and we only need to get ready for the hundredfold manifestation!

For years, I had a skin condition. Medication did not help and, finally, after I had done everything I knew to do, I decided to take the Holy Communion and pray about it. I said, “Father, I have an infirmity. I don’t know what is hindering the physical manifestation of this healing. Holy Spirit, I am trusting You to make perfect intercession regarding the manifestation of my healing.”

That was how I prayed for my skin condition. Did I look into the mirror to see if it had left? Of course I did! I am like anyone else. But did I stop praying? No, I kept on praying until one day, I heard a voice within me say, “Look at your body.” When I looked into the mirror, the skin condition was completely gone! I was totally healed, but the manifestation of the healing was gradual.

Today, if you have seen only a thirtyfold increase in your situation, don’t give up. The sixtyfold, then hundredfold increases are on their way to you!

READ: 1 Chronicles 11:1-9

Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?

Matthew 7:16

King David judged Joab to be worthy of the position of commander of the armies based on his actions in the war against the Jebusites. Joab went first and became the chief commander of Israel’s armies.

Jesus taught us to know people by their fruits and not by what they say. Everyone says good things about himself and everyone has explanations for what they did not do. “Most men will proclaim every one his own goodness: but a faithful man who can find?” (Proverbs 20:6). What people say about themselves does not matter. Who people say they are does not matter. Look at their deeds. Their deeds do not lie. The only thing that is true is the evidence and the actions that speak clearly and loudly. You must trust what they do. What they do is who they are! In court, judges are taught to focus on the evidence because that is what really matters.

Are you getting married to a beautiful lady who has nice words and beautiful smiles, but quarrels with everyone she works with, and is unable to maintain a good relationship with anyone? Why do you believe her explanations? Why do you believe in her beauty? Why do you believe you will receive nice things when you marry her?

You must trust evidence more than nice words. Remember that a wise person lives by the evidence of the actions that people have taken. He does not trust what people say about themselves. Trust what they do and remember what they have done!

This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.

Galatians 5:16


Walking in the spirit. That's the key to overcoming the flesh. If you follow the prompting of the Spirit of God within you, you won't be dominated by the pressure your flesh tries to put on you.

As you listen to the written Word and the Holy Spirit telling you what to do, you'll constantly be making little adjustments in your life according to what He says. And those little adjustments will keep darkness from overtaking you.

You see, God knows just what you need. He can look ahead in your life and see the traps and pressures the devil is laying for you. So follow the Holy Spirit's leading and He will maneuver you safely around them to victory.


Scripture Reading:

1 Corinthians 10:1-14